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Friday Funnies 2016

Discussion in 'General Chat' started by findtim, Jan 29, 2016.

  1. Honan

    Honan Membership: VIP

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    The driver asked if I was comfortable?
    I replied
    "I make a living"
     
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  2. findtim

    findtim Membership: VIP

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    friday night is Taco Night , max and I and the girls have whatever they want as my daughter doesn't like tacos.
    so thus we like kidney beans, for the first time i bought dry beans which need to be soaked over night, so i ring my 87yo dad who's the split pea king and ask " if i soak 100gms , what gms will i end up with?" he says he doesn't know so he asks 85yo mum who swiftly replies "ask google"
    got me
    tim
     
  3. DnEbook

    DnEbook Membership: VIP

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    Ha ha
     
  4. findtim

    findtim Membership: VIP

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    i was sitting here thinking " whingepool? oh shit whats its real name ! " finally got it whirlpool.
    but i just had to check, whingepool.com.au is a handreg

    tim
     
  5. johno69

    johno69 Membership: VIP

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  6. findtim

    findtim Membership: VIP

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    yeh, maybe they are waiting for the .au?
     
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  7. findtim

    findtim Membership: VIP

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    just chilling out late friday night, need total distraction so youtube and "cutting down a tree" sounds good !
    OMG, so people are just plan stupid.
    here's a hint, if you ever have to cut down a tree taller then you and someone says " hang on i'll just get the video camera", then don't cut down the tree !

    tim
     
  8. Honan

    Honan Membership: VIP

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  9. DnEbook

    DnEbook Membership: VIP

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    The neighbour asked why his Lemons never ripen? I replied because you have a Lime Tree .....
     
  10. findtim

    findtim Membership: VIP

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    ha ha, if he waits long enough they do turn yellow !!!
     
  11. DnEbook

    DnEbook Membership: VIP

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    Walking past the car wash the other day I noticed that an Indian Gent was looking at me for some reason? I said "hello" and he replied "Is this yours" as he pointed to the Porsche that had just been washed ..........I was quite tempted to say yes and continue my "walk" in some comfort !
     
  12. findtim

    findtim Membership: VIP

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    you should have said "yes, i'm in a hurry grab me the keys"
    tim
     
  13. DnEbook

    DnEbook Membership: VIP

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    The keys would have been it, as the workers move the cars to get detailed, there is also a cafe in the complex so a lot of activity going on, this is why he considered me to be the owner. If only those car jackers know ....LOL
     
  14. DnEbook

    DnEbook Membership: VIP

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    Went for another walk today, thought I saw the first of the Nukes, couldn't tell if it was Chinese or American? ... Turns out it was just a bird .....
     
  15. findtim

    findtim Membership: VIP

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    i LOVE travelling, so i flew to sydney today , visit my sister in the gong for the weekend, and go to agm monday the
    one of the things i like best is PAYING ATENTION to changes..... new buildings, roads etc, new marketing....billboards shops etc, ideas, people, systems, service.
    so i land, get my luggage, ring my sister and say i'll meet her at the pickup place, on the way a quick trip to the loo, so i wheel my bad in, TINY toilet space for an airport? and decide to just do a stand up wee in the cubical as its right there as i went in.
    as i'm there i here a machine playing an advert, its for "panty liners" , i think geez they got that wrong, next second i hear 2 girls talking behind me, ohhhh stuff, i went into the ladies o_O
    ummm, not paying attention !
    tim
     
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  16. johno69

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    In true Trump form there.
     
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  17. Bacon Farmer

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    Sacked for lewd behaviour before taking office? Hehe. Congrats Tim!
     
  18. Scott.L

    Scott.L Membership: Trader

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    Donald nips into his local bakery and bumps into Hillary.
    As they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three jam doughnuts and puts them in her handbag.

    She says to Donald, “See how clever I am?
    The owner didn’t see anything and I don’t even need to lie.
    I should really have won the election
    .”

    Donald says to Hillary, “That’s the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire
    life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result
    .”

    Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says,
    Give me a doughnut and I will show you a magic trick.”

    Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a doughnut.
    Trump swallows it and asks for another one.
    The owner gives him another one.

    Then Donald asks for a third doughnut and he eats
    that, too.
    The owner is starting to wonder where the trick is
    and asks, “Where's the magic in that?”

    Trump replies, “Look in Hillary’s handbag".
     
  19. DnEbook

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  20. Scott.L

    Scott.L Membership: Trader

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